Tabicat (gabithatabitha) wrote,

D-I-E-T and exercise - ignored for a spell.

So I'm riding in the car yesterday with Chris, after attending the Ohio State Fair where we split a deep-friend Snickers and elephant ear, and he says, "SO, have you given up entirely on tracking your calories?"

I am not capable of a yes or no answer for a question like that. Mostly because I've felt guilty for the month of July, during which, I took a somewhat-planned hiaitus from my palm pilot.

The weekend of July 4th, although LOADS of fun with Mike and Jill, was the last time I paid close attention to my food intake or exercise. My running schedule came to a halt because of a not-so-comfortable knee issue, and I was 2,000 calories over my goal for the week, and couldn't imagine life eating so little that I could even the score in an amount of time that seemed acceptable to me. So I decided I would see how I could do for a couple of weeks without the micromanagement of my bodily functions.

Here's what happened:

It got REALLY hot outside.
I started summer classes.
I decided I am in LOVE with Coke Zero and don't need to drink water any more.
The census job ended.
I got bored with all of my work snacks.

I stopped riding my bike to work and haven't worked on the Couch to 5K program since my knee hurt. Now my legs are a little weaker and I need to do some stretching and yoga to "limber up" be for starting again.

Summer classes have left me feeling "overwhelmed," although I eat statistics word problems for breakfast, and my unknowns experiment in Microbiology is becoming my b$%^h. I feel that I don't have time to run for twenty minutes on the treadmill or ride my bike, when actually, the run would wake me up when I get drowsy from reading my textbooks (and be a nice break), and I could ride my bike to the coffee house to do my stats homework.

As for the zero calorie soft drinks? They're more fun than water. They sparkle. The can is pretty. They stay in the refrigerator, ice cold and ready for me. The only argument I can make against them is that they stain my teeth - like coffee. And this week, coffee makes me shake - and shift in my seat. I'm not sure what's going on with that.

The census job was great - I made some extra money that made my spending spree on my bicycle and boots less detrimental - however it has muddied the lines between my needs and wants - again. So I must return to frugality - not only in finances, but in food. The two together hurts me a lot - I can't help but focus on the SACRIFICES I must make rather than the ADVANCES I'll make because of the changes in my life. It's all perception, I know, but it psyches me out, and I'm aware of it, so excuses seem LAME.

Lastly, boredom has set in and I can't seem to get excited about my V-8 any more. And I LOVE V-8.

I haven't gained much weight back (still hanging out just around 165 pounds, but I believe the weight I have lost (20 pounds) could sneak back a pound at a time around the holidays.

So here I am, faced with a very simple question, from the person who selflessly gave HOURS of time trying to get my stone age software to work with a bronze age handheld device (which I couldn't use with my iron age laptop). He wanted to know if, after making a stink about how important it was to me to have it working, if I had abandoned it (and his efforts). You can't just answer yes or no to that!

So the guilt of wasting his precious efforts FAR outweighs my guilt of "falling off the wagon." I suspect he knows this - if not, he'll pretend he does. But either way, the length of my temporary hiaitus from the diet has now been defined. It ended today at 10:00am when I consumed my first calories and logged them into the palm pilot - Starbucks Lite Coffee Frappucino - 160 calories of frozen goodness (courtesy of my former colleague, Jeanne Lance).

I feel good. I forgive myself - although I didn't do anything wrong. I can eat things that are good for me. And a lady from work just brought me eight beautiful peaches from Morrow County!
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