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Tabicat's Journal

12th August, 2010. 11:49 am. Writer's Block: Something like that

What is the BIGGEST lie you've ever told?

I SO plead the fifth. And I really don't know how one would define "big." Highest risk of being caught? Most outrageous subject matter? Total disregard of moral values? Lie that I still maintain as the truth?

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6th August, 2010. 4:40 pm. I never posted about 2009!

Man, have I felt like reminiscing today! I'm not sure where it started - or maybe I am. I had a relatively deep continuation of a conversation with one of my best friends via email today. I describe it this way because it made me reflect on my life quite a bit, and on my relationships. So I started reading back over my livejournal (and Chris's) to think about who I have been and who I am now (and how it is different).

So I read this post and wanted to make another to remind me of 2009, which seems relatively boring in comparison to all of the changes that occurred in 2008 in my life:

1) Where did you begin 2009?
I believe it was at the home of the infamous Mr. Charles Wince - partythrower extraodinaire.

2) What was your status on Valentine's Day?
I went to see Twilight with Alisa and Chris - I STILL owe him for that :)

3) Were you in school (anytime this year)?
I took Chemistry 100 and 113 and NURC 101 (with clinical hours) from Columbus State. I also took French with my ex-husband. It was at that point that I was reminded why we divorced in the first place.

4) How did you earn your money?
I finished working for Beauty First around New Years, so I believe I was only working at ODE in 2009.

5) Did you have to go to the hospital?
No hospitals :)

6) Did you have any encounters with the police?
No police either!

7) Where did you go on holidays?
This year was the first Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas and all of the other "small" holidays with Chris's family. Damn those people must like each other because they really get together a lot :)

8) What did you purchase that was over $1000?
CAR REPAIRS - replaced my engine, etc.

9) Did you know anybody who got married?
LOTS of weddings - Pat and Sarah, Stacey and Dave, Bill and Jenn, Mike and Jill, and Westie and Sean! I was in THAT wedding.

10) Did you know anybody who passed away?
Denny's Grandpa

11. No #11.

12) Did you move anywhere?
No moving for me, but Chris moved to Columbus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

14) What concerts/shows did you go to?
I don't know that I went to many shows - but I think Old Crow Medicine Show was at Newport Music Hall in 2009 - that was pretty fun.

15) Are you registered to vote?

16. No #16.

17) Where do you live now?
Columbus, Ohio - same place I've been in since August 2004. I will admit I spend a lot of my time at Chris's now that he isn't 75 miles/1.25 hours away.

18) Describe your birthday?
I had a very nice 29th birthday - first of many. Chris took me out to dinner in the Short North to Barleys - and even let me bring home a growler of barley wine!

19) What's one thing you thought you'd never do but did in 2009?
Change a poopy diaper - on an adult.

20) What has been your favorite moment?
Probably Christmas with Chris - I already like Christmas, but spending with a "complete" family was pretty special. By complete, I mean not remarried or with 50 year old parents missing because they're dead.

21) What's something you learned about yourself?
It had been 10 years since my car accident in August 1999, and I learned that I can actually use my left leg, but I am mostly psyched out by thinking it won't hold me alone. I started working to rehabilitate myself.

22) Any new additions to your family?
Phoebe caught a bug. Then ate it.

23) What was your best month?
Probably October - Renfest, weddings galore, my birthday, autumn, etc.

24) What music will you remember 2009 by?

25) Who has been your best drinking buddy?
I didn't drink so much in 2009. But I wasn't really a lush to start with. Probably Denny - we still meet occasionally at St. James for a Young's Double Chocolate Stout.

26) Made new friends?
New friends made at Westie and Sean's wedding - and all of the weddings I accompanied Chris to - and in nursing school.

27) New best friend?
Jill and I became a lot closer and I met Traci when we carpooled to a wedding. I don't make lists of my friends in order of importance (any more) but I'm not sure you two get catapulted to "I've known you since HS" status. But you're both definitely best friend material :)

28) Favorite Night Out?
8/1/09 Westie and Seans BEAUTIFUL wedding. 

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4th August, 2010. 1:11 pm. D-I-E-T and exercise - ignored for a spell.

So I'm riding in the car yesterday with Chris, after attending the Ohio State Fair where we split a deep-friend Snickers and elephant ear, and he says, "SO, have you given up entirely on tracking your calories?"

I am not capable of a yes or no answer for a question like that. Mostly because I've felt guilty for the month of July, during which, I took a somewhat-planned hiaitus from my palm pilot.

The weekend of July 4th, although LOADS of fun with Mike and Jill, was the last time I paid close attention to my food intake or exercise. My running schedule came to a halt because of a not-so-comfortable knee issue, and I was 2,000 calories over my goal for the week, and couldn't imagine life eating so little that I could even the score in an amount of time that seemed acceptable to me. So I decided I would see how I could do for a couple of weeks without the micromanagement of my bodily functions.

Here's what happened:

It got REALLY hot outside.
I started summer classes.
I decided I am in LOVE with Coke Zero and don't need to drink water any more.
The census job ended.
I got bored with all of my work snacks.

I stopped riding my bike to work and haven't worked on the Couch to 5K program since my knee hurt. Now my legs are a little weaker and I need to do some stretching and yoga to "limber up" be for starting again.

Summer classes have left me feeling "overwhelmed," although I eat statistics word problems for breakfast, and my unknowns experiment in Microbiology is becoming my b$%^h. I feel that I don't have time to run for twenty minutes on the treadmill or ride my bike, when actually, the run would wake me up when I get drowsy from reading my textbooks (and be a nice break), and I could ride my bike to the coffee house to do my stats homework.

As for the zero calorie soft drinks? They're more fun than water. They sparkle. The can is pretty. They stay in the refrigerator, ice cold and ready for me. The only argument I can make against them is that they stain my teeth - like coffee. And this week, coffee makes me shake - and shift in my seat. I'm not sure what's going on with that.

The census job was great - I made some extra money that made my spending spree on my bicycle and boots less detrimental - however it has muddied the lines between my needs and wants - again. So I must return to frugality - not only in finances, but in food. The two together hurts me a lot - I can't help but focus on the SACRIFICES I must make rather than the ADVANCES I'll make because of the changes in my life. It's all perception, I know, but it psyches me out, and I'm aware of it, so excuses seem LAME.

Lastly, boredom has set in and I can't seem to get excited about my V-8 any more. And I LOVE V-8.

I haven't gained much weight back (still hanging out just around 165 pounds, but I believe the weight I have lost (20 pounds) could sneak back a pound at a time around the holidays.

So here I am, faced with a very simple question, from the person who selflessly gave HOURS of time trying to get my stone age software to work with a bronze age handheld device (which I couldn't use with my iron age laptop). He wanted to know if, after making a stink about how important it was to me to have it working, if I had abandoned it (and his efforts). You can't just answer yes or no to that!

So the guilt of wasting his precious efforts FAR outweighs my guilt of "falling off the wagon." I suspect he knows this - if not, he'll pretend he does. But either way, the length of my temporary hiaitus from the diet has now been defined. It ended today at 10:00am when I consumed my first calories and logged them into the palm pilot - Starbucks Lite Coffee Frappucino - 160 calories of frozen goodness (courtesy of my former colleague, Jeanne Lance).

I feel good. I forgive myself - although I didn't do anything wrong. I can eat things that are good for me. And a lady from work just brought me eight beautiful peaches from Morrow County!

Current mood: cheerful.

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14th July, 2010. 4:44 pm. Nothing on top but a bucket and a mop...

...from the song Plateau.

And that is what I'm writing about - my plateau in dieting.

I thought I had changed my lifestyle, exercising more, eating less (and smarter) but recently, there have been some hiccups:
  • Holidays - July 4th weekend meant I ate fairly freely for three days - nothing too terribly indulgent, but several beers and some pizza meant about 1500 extra calories I wouldn't normally eat.
  • 100 degree weather - My bicycle riding has dropped to a minimum - like once in two weeks.
  • Cash - I held off on buying groceries and hitting Odd Lots again for new work snacks, and I'm WAY tired of the remaining ones in my desk drawer - there's a reason they were left for last. I've been spending more money by eating out than I would by just going to the store again. I actually just realized that is the solution as I typed this.
  • Schedule - my two courses this summer at Columbus State, combined with the census work picking up again have left me feeling like my time is precious again, and I'm feeling tired/overwhelmed. I'm not in the same place every evening now, so I've fallen off the treadmill (not literally) and I will need to start over on the Couch-to-5K program again. I initially skipped a night because my knee was sore, but then I just abandoned it after a weekend away.
So I'm not gaining weight, but I'm not losing 1-2lbs. at a time like I was. It's discouraging me. I feel like I have quit - but I haven't. I forgive myself for this little break I took.

A younger me would have given up now.

I'm going to keep on keepin' on.


Current mood: determined.

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21st June, 2010. 3:50 pm. RUN Tabi, run!

I started the Couch to 5K program last night - I don't really believe I can run 3.1 miles nonstop, but I'm willing to try.

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21st June, 2010. 2:23 pm. Writer's Block: Acquired taste

What is your favorite weird food combination? Have your friends ever tried it or do you only eat it in private?

My grandma makes lime jellow salad with pears in it. On top of it, we put horsey sauce (horseradish and miracle whip). The lime zing and the spicy flavor together is strange but refreshing.

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14th June, 2010. 12:01 pm. Summer is almost (officially) here!

Here is something for all of you in Ohio that might want to get away - it's not a HUGE discount, but it helps you get a room for less than $100 in some REALLY pretty places: http://www.das.ohio.gov/LinkClick.aspx?fileticket=5%2fH6667tX6s%3d&tabid=347

That said, I had an excellent weekend at Kelleys Island with Chris and his family/friends. The mayflies were in full effect, and I alternated between terror at their sheer numbers and calm, cool collectedness as I picked them up by the wings and removed them from my immediate area and my things. I got to swim a little (and man, the cold water was nice) and go out on the boat. The breeze really makes the humidity and hot sun more tolerable - pleasant even!

I have several things I'd like to accomplish this week, including catching up on laundry, dishes and mowing at my place. I've kind of taken a small hiatus from census work, so it is time to get back into that work while it is still available. I also hope to put up a mirror in my living room and plant the tomato plants I bought at a fruit stand before they dry out. And, of course, iding my bicycle as much as possible in between/to accomplish those tasks.

The garden is probably finished, meaning I won't be planting anything else. This year I have one radicchio plant, two cabbages (vol), basil, sage, thyme, parsley, and chives, all volunteers/perennials from last year. In addition, I planted daikon radishes, green onions, bibb lettuce, jalapenos, ancho/chili peppers, red/yellow/green bell peppers, tomatoes, and I would like to get some cilantro. Some neighbors have cilantro, so it would probably be easier just to break it up and transplant some.

For decorations, I would really like a couple of hanging baskets, but I'm home so infrequently, that they would really need to be hardy. My daylilies and tigerlilies should be blooming any day now, and I look forward to that. After they are finished, my backyard is pretty much greenery with a few wild strawberries peppered throughout. I'm okay with that.

I look forward to spending time outside with friends and neighbors, so give me a call if you want to have a little cookout. I have a picnic table and a small firepit, and Chris has a gas grill to speed things up, and I have a charcoal one for larger gatherings.

I'm also up for kayaking, canoeing, biking, walks, swimming and possibly running with friends. The diet is going better than expected, but I'm feeling a little impatient and want to step things up a bit. From 184 to 169 pounds is nice, but I'm still a long way from 140ish.

Current mood: accomplished.

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11th June, 2010. 8:43 am. Writer's Block: Carpe Diem

How often do you think about, and plan for, the future? Do you think it ever interferes with your ability to live in the moment?


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13th May, 2010. 4:07 pm. SUMMER IS COMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm starting to become more excited about the sunshine and the good weather. My bicycle is great, my moped is running and I am losing some weight (meaning I feel better about wearing less clothing).

I read an article the other day about antidepressants - and whether they work. Some doctors stated that research says it is mostly a placebo effect - others say that they work. Both sides agree they have undesirable side effects. What I know is that I couldn't get my act together enough to remember to take them consistently, so I KNOW that it was a placebo effect with me. But I know how to control my moods - and mostly, just like I forgot to take the pills, I just forget to do it.

I need a radio alarm clock, I've decided, or music right next to my bed/bathroom, to play something positive in the morning. Every time I want to clean or cook or do something I am not excited about, music makes it fun - I just don't think to turn it on.

So my goal this week is to include music in my routine more often. Thoughts?

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23rd April, 2010. 11:38 am. Whatever gets you through the night...s'alright, s'alright.

If you don't follow on Facebook, I'm "dieting." I don't really like that word, so I'll say I'm changing my lifestyle, indefinitely. It probably should be permanently.

Sleeping gets me through the night (referring to Mr. Lennon's lyrics), but I'm surprised at what is getting me through the days. I like to eat, so I've chosen as many low calorie snacks as I can to fill my desk cupboard at work. I feel like I've been eating all day. Here's what I got at Odd Lots the other day for a total of $38:

24 Gerber Graduates Chewy Granola Bars (Strawberry and Apple Cinnamon)                                        80 calories
8   Gerber Graduates Dairy Drinks (basically skim milk juice boxes with vitamins a la slimfast)        140 calories 
10 Stretch Island Fruit Leather (Grape)                                                                                                              45 calories
2   Chicken of the Sea Vac-Pac tuna                                                                                                                   80 calories
2   Canned Crabmeat                                                                                                                                            70 calories
Triscuits                                                                                                                                                               20 cal each
Wheat Thins                                                                                                                                                        16/140 cal
9   Motts Applejuice boxes (for toddlers)                                                                                                            50 calories
32 Diet Snapple Drink packets                                                                                                                            10 calories
V-8 Six pack                                                                                                                                                        70/can
2  Powerbar Pria                                                                                                                                                   110 calories
2  Kashi Go Lean Bars                                                                                                                                        290 calories
Kashi Mountain Medley Granola                                                                                 
Kashi Cinnamon Pillows

I know it must be weird, but I buy baby snacks. The portions are smaller and allow for more variety, and they usually have a lack of nasty additives and more vitamins added than grown up food. I've actually bought twenty-five cent jars of baby food (fruit) and kept them at my desk to stir into my instant oatmeal - it's GREAT.

My staple and most satisfying food to eat has been the tuna, a half packet of mayo and one hard boiled egg. It's 200 calories, and I think I even got a little bit of a protein high after eating it. Baked Potatoes and SPICY salsa on top has been great too - also in the 200 calorie neighborhood. So the idea of eating either of these things more than once a day leaves me feeling like I AM allowed to eat. And I feel better than if I grabbed a ninety-nine cent junior cheeseburger deluxe at Wendys.

The canned crab is NASTY - way too fishy tasting. I got the mayo to try to doctor it up, but it is just too smelly for words. The tuna, however, is very good. I am saving the Kashi bars for when I ride my bike or hike or something, just because I'd rather not "spend" 300 calories on a candy bar when I can eat something on a plate. And the Kashi cereals are really good to mix together for breakfast, especially with greek yogurt.

Bottom line is, I DON'T FEEL CHEATED. I feel like I can do this. And those little Snapple packets have me drinking 2-3 times more water each day. I have also made a rule that I can't have my coffee until I drink a bottle of water. Two weeks ago, my entire fluid intake consisted of coffee and milk!

Next order of business is to start a more challenging exercise regimen. So far it's just the bike, treadmill and some yoga. I'd like to run...

Current mood: accomplished.

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